December 17, 1993

We met at the library at 4:30 and we talked a little bit. He asked me if anything was wrong and I told him no. He toughed my leg with his foot and I pulled my leg away from him. I was so nervous I wanted to cry. I hope he doesn’t ask me about it as I’m not sure what to say — would it scare him away — I love talking with him so much I don’t want to ever lose that. We left at five and when we were going out he held the door for me. He said that it was so quiet in there. I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable in there. He said he understood. I wish we could have talked more. And we made plans to meet at the city park and we didn’t really say a time because he had to go to the doctors. I got there at 5:10 and waited getting my hopes up every time I saw a car then at 5:30 he actually got there. He asked how long I waited and I lied and said not very long. We talked about what he was going to do that night — shave and go to bed and then we got on the discussion about divorce. He told me that we were going to have to lay (cool) off on our relationship until the separation and divorce goes through. That he’ll still call, but not every day and we can still talk at ball games, but can’t make plans to meet every day. He told me that his wife believes he’s having an affair with an older woman, and he smiled and said, “but I’m not.” Then we talked a little more and I asked why he was getting a divorce and he said “just a lot of stuff that never got worked out through the years and her thinking I’m messing around, but the main thing I’m working days and she’s working nights we're just missing each other." Then I said “oh” he said “Now don’t you go blaming yourself on me.” I told him I wouldn’t. Then it was six and he said he really had to get going. And he said that he will try to call Monday. We also talked about how sometimes I wish my parents would go ahead and get one. He asked if I didn’t get along with my dad I told him no it’s my mom. I love my dad, can’t stand my mom most the time. He said, I bet that really hurts. I said “especially with Grandma in the hospital.” I’m glad he didn’t ask about me pulling away from him at the library it just makes it so much easier not to have to explain myself.

I went by Anna‘s house and she wasn’t around so I went to Renee’s. We talked about what I was going through and she kept saying get out that she knew a lot of stuff about it, thanks for her mom. She told me that if it ever got out it would be so embarrassing for me. That his wife would kill me. She also told me that once they’re divorced I can do whatever I want, but for now don’t sneak around and get out. She also told me that it was an evil spirit that got me to fall for him. Renee's boyfriend also overheard us. So he put his two pieces in on it too. They really helped, but I still miss Mikey so much, he means the world to me and he cares about me that’s more than I can say about a lot of people (2/18/94 -Renee thinks I broke it off but right now it’s growing and growing stronger.)

When I told Anna about Mikey getting a divorce she stopped in her tracks and almost fainted. But she also believes that it’s not just a promise he won’t fulfill, because he wouldn’t have told me that he had to cut down on our relationship if it was, now would he.

He’s supposed to call me Monday the 20th I can’t wait he also said he had to shave he better have, I hate his beard. Someday he’ll understand.

11/07/2003 — Now, that time has gone by I don’t think divorce was ever part of the plans. I believe he wanted to cool off the relationship until I turn 17. They have gotten a divorce, but this was after my son was even born.

06/06/2021 — I’m positive it had all to do with my age because after I turned 17 he started touching me even more and doing other things to encourage the relationship to head in that direction. I wish I knew what I know now back then, but hopefully my experience will stop others from having to experience it. At least then I will know the purpose of me going through it.