January 15, 1994

Well, I talk to my youngest Aunt for a little while at her house. We talked about boyfriends. I told her that he was 18 with twins and we talked about his ex girlfriend the twins mother and PRIMERO’s mother etc. She gave me earrings and we talked about when she first started dating and her friend acted -- how it’s happening to me. And how she doesn’t understand how someone can marry the first person you have a relationship with and I reassured her that I didn’t think this would last until marriage. We talked about how I saw PRIMERO More than she sees Cordell. And I told her that I still miss him when I don’t see him. And she told me that she understood. We also talked about how I didn’t want mom and dad to know he has kids and that I didn’t really want them to meet him either. We talked about PRIMERO the whole time. I almost told her how old he really was, but I changed my mind. I told her about me and older guys and then I said that I have some ex’s that are 27 and she said that they were older than she was and I said I know and started thinking about Primero. She would really think I was stupid, but then again he means the world to me and he cares about me it’s a first and I’m holding on until I find someone new.

Anyway on the way home I brought up statutory rape and if they would put charges against him. We talked and no one got mad at each other. Dad asked if I cared about him and I said yes. He told me that I was old enough to make my own decisions about things and that when I feel it’s the right time to use protection and not get pregnant because a lot of things teenagers do then cause a lot of dreams to change. He also told me I was smart enough to decide on my own. We talked about the best birth control was abstinence and I kept repeating that. And I admitted that I was a virgin and I wasn’t embarrassed about it. Explained about how the kids at school make you feel like you have too and all that stuff. And how I wasn’t going to go all the way just to keep him from leaving. And Dad said 9 chances out of 10 he’ll end up leaving anyway. That’s when he told me that when/if he does, it’s not my fault and nothings wrong with me. That’s when we talked about it not being the person‘s fault and that if we were meant to be together we will come back to each other.

At home we talked about his parents and stuff like that. Dad thanked me for bringing it up and I said thanks for listening. That made me feel better but I also know to find out if I’m pregnant before going to them because if we do do something and there’s no babies then they can’t prove it unless I say it is and since they don’t know him even if the baby came they can’t prove anything I can always say he skipped the country and believe me I would because unless it’s date rape I won’t let him get in any trouble over it. And the only way he can is if it gets out about our relationship, I open my mouth and/or my friends do and I know I won’t and I will deny my friends. And PRIMERO will never get caught. The only way I will open my mouth is if we are out and I say no and he won’t accept that as an answer and he goes all the way anyway that’s the only way he’ll get in trouble by me and you know what I mean. I love that boy - PRIMERO -