November 20, 1993

We didn’t meet up with Mikey until we were walking back to the car. We is Anna and her two little cousins (who we were babysitting), and of course, myself. We stopped and joked around like always about everything only I had a four-year-old to watch and get candy for. Mikey kept telling me to get this piece of candy and I said “no”. He finally said “Now, JayCee” (I got a little nervous with the way he ordered me to do it, but I covered it by saying “I, I captain,” and got it.) I flipped him off (my neck way) he didn’t understand and I asked if he knew what I meant. He laughed and said “I’m not for sure, but it’s not good.” Anna and I started laughing and the next time I did it I had my middle finger up and he understood. He said, “anytime, anyplace, anywhere.” And I said

“you pick the place and all.” He said, “Monday night, my place at 7pm.” Anna said, “I don’t think so, JayCee.” I said “Sorry, Mikey, I don’t go out on Mondays.” He told me that he had to work that night anyway. Then he said, “Friday” “Can’t, I’m grounded”. And explain why I told him next Friday he told me “We’ll have to wait and see” And we joked around about the key ring that he still had in his pocket. And I regave him my phone number and told him that if I didn’t answer to hang up and he understood. Then I told him weeknights 4 to 5PM and he said “OK” he’ll call Wednesday. At least that’s what we planned.

He asked about Friday and I told him no because of the holidays. Then we left. Anna told me I was getting too deep and that’s when I explain to her on how I was feeling and falling for him. And she told me that was scary. We went to the police office (Station) and got his license plate. Then I dropped Anna and the kids off as I went the first song to come on was “Soon” that was scary. I drove by the police station and he was not there anymore. Then I went by his house and honked my horn. And realize that if we became closer I have to stop doing that. I believe he could lose his job, I’m not of age yet. (12/22/93 and his wife could get mad.)

10/23/2003 — Again another red flag. What man in their right mind would say and encourage the things we were doing. Like I said he was 45 and me 16. And he knew I was 16. He was about 28 and half years older than me — old enough to know better. Old enough to know that a friendship where we talk about things should have been the most to this relationship. He was old enough to say back off, and if he was any man whatsoever he would have put the limit of just being friends. But we all know that he was not that kind of a man. I sometimes wonder if his daughters were victims of his pain, too, especially after yesterday‘s Sexual Assault class. Dr. Sampson explained how offenders often have three levels of victims. The ones he’s training (getting ready, getting them to trust him etc.), those he’s abusing, and those he’s pushing away. He didn’t use those words, but it’s how I remember it. I remember that once I left for college and away from my home town, he made sure to stop the relationship as if he didn’t want me anymore. I didn’t care because I wanted out to because of how forceful he was becoming but he did hurt my feelings on the painful words he would say. Of course then I met Michael (my now husband) and my life was so great — I for the first time in my life truly found what love was supposed to be. Anyway, back to Mikey's daughter. Mikey started getting to know me, when his daughter was about the same age I was when we finally broke off the relationship. What could have happen was I being a trainee, and his daughter being the one he pushed away. I remember someone telling me that Mikey kept a playboy issue or some kind of magazine that his daughter was Nude in. That’s sick. Anna says she doesn’t think so, but yet she says that his daughter was kicked out of the house because of drinking and drugs, it still makes me wonder.

6/1/2021 — I still think is daughter was a victim too. I wonder sometimes how many victims are out there because of Mikey. He knows how to make teenagers believe they can trust him — he knows what to say when to say it, he made you feel like you could trust him.

From the article

Social Responsibility: Six Stages of Sexual Grooming – signs to watch for, report abuse

Posted On 12th Nov 2020

https://vineyardswimming.co.za/stages-of-sexual-grooming/

What Is Sexual Grooming? Sexual grooming involves an adult befriending a child with the motive of committing sexual abuse. The process is slow, methodical and intentional. It involves developing a close emotional connection with the child and can take place over weeks, months or even years. It is important for parents to be able to understand the grooming process to avoid child sexual abuse. Hard fact: Over 90% of the children who are sexually abused know their abuser.

We have discussed the first three stages of the six stages of sexual grooming.

Six Stages of Sexual Grooming

1. Choosing a Victim

The predator often chooses a child who is obviously vulnerable. Children who are withdrawn, low on confidence, emotionally deprived and with less parental supervision are particularly at risk.

2. Building Access & Trust

Sexual abuse often begins with friendship. The abuser can also take on other roles such as a romantic partner, a mentor, a caregiver or an authority figure. The abuser spends time in getting to know the victim’s likes, dislikes and habits and pretending to share common interests.

3. Filling a Need With Gifts & Favors

Giving the victim small gifts and favors is a strategy used by perpetrators to make the child feel indebted. Trust is further built by sharing intimate life details, going on special outings and giving the child access to drinks, drugs or cigarettes depending on the child’s age.

He chose me and knew exactly what he was doing from the beginning. He built the friendship and the trust between us. He made sure to act like he cared about me finding out my likes, dislikes, habits, fears, and even pretended to share common interest. He talked me out of killing myself multiple time and built the relationship towards the romantic partner. I looked up to him and trusted him even through I had a hard time trusting police officers. He made sure that I knew that I needed to work on the trust issues and not to blame everyone for what happened in my past. He encouraged me on believing that my past was what caused me to be nervous at times. He started giving money to pay for the games he would be at to make sure he was able to see me and be around me.

As I continue to type my journal up, I will point out the other stages he put me through.