November 24, 1993

What I want to tell Mikey, but can’t because I love him so much. I wrote this in first, second, and fourth hour.

Dear Mikey,

What’s up? I’m in English lit. You know that class I’m not doing too good in. I’m doing fine in all the rest. Now I’m in American History. You’re supposed to call me tonight and I’ll explain to you about how you should call me, which is also in the planner I’m giving you.

This week has been awful.

Sunday = I was so confused about Saturday. Yes, you and Saturday. If you didn’t know I’m Catholic and confused because you’re married and not to me.

Monday = Everything was wrong. I gave a letter to Coach and he gave me a lecture on how kids are fun, but we needed to wait. We have the rest of our lives to have that kind of responsibility, kind of hit the spot. Then after school he told me that our friendship was getting too personal that we needed to have a TSR = Teacher - Student relationship. I was going to ask for advice on us, but I really don't want adults involved other than you of course.

Tuesday: I had a flat and Anna and I decided to call you for help, but Anna gave your wife my full name when she asked who it was. I was so mad I almost killed her right then and there. I mean she said my full name, talking about mad. I hope it didn’t get you into any trouble. Luckily for Anna we went by your house to drop off a friend and your car was there; therefore, I got mad at your wife, either she lied to us or you had just gotten home (12/24/93 - or your ride hadn’t dropped you off. I didn’t know he got rides to work until 12/22/93). That’s one day, like many others, I won’t forget. Of course I remember the first day we met like it was yesterday (10/01/1993).

Yes, you got me confused. Angie told me that I got myself into it, now I have to get myself out of it. The problem is I can’t because needless to say, I’m falling for you.

I always told myself that I would never fall for a guy that would cheat on his wife, because that means he will cheat on me. I’m catholic and don’t really want to go against it. I’ve done nothing with boys - not even a kiss - because of me wanting not to go all the way before I was married. I plan to do this, especially with you.

Please realize that I just want to be friends. We can joke around, but that’s all. I’ve been nervous all day about all of this and the phone call. I’ve written a lot of this in Study Hall had to leave it while I did some errands for Coach. I was so nervous that he would read it that my stomach was about to explode. He started to ask me a question and I almost freaked out. I just knew he had read it. I don’t know one way or the other (and I’m not asking) I don’t think he would do that unless I tell him to read it (and I’m not doing that, either.)

Mikey,

Don’t get me wrong. I like you a lot, but you’re married and I can’t get myself mixed up in all that. Please let’s just be friends. You can lose you’re job. I’m not of age and even though I wouldn’t press charges my parents would. I’m sorry if I led you on, I didn’t mean to. In less than 35 days I will be 17, but you will still be married. Just friends. Don’t forget it.

“Me”

06/01/2021 — Even this letter shows that I had come to the conclusion that the “relationship” was going somewhere where it shouldn’t. I told him early on that it should be just friends. And yet he kept encouraging more. I wish I would have realized that the only way to stop that type of person is to totally stop hanging out with him. The scary thought is with the type of person he was he would have found someone else to groom and make his victim. It could have been a friend of mine or someone I didn’t know, but either way someone else would have gotten hurt. What he put me through isn’t a one victim — I learned from my mistakes — kind of situation. I have no doubts that I wasn’t his first and I wasn’t his last. Needless to say, I can’t prove that but it is my educated opinion from learning about the way abuser are.