November 26, 1993

My Uncle came down home before going up to the hospital and asked me to go up with him and if anybody else wanted to. We dropped my cousin off at my other Grandma’s and had small talk all the way up to the hospital. It was on the way back that we talked about everything that was bothering me (not everything, but some.) We talked about how me and my parents can’t really talk about problems and he told me that I could talk to him anytime and he would tell me like it is and try to give as much advice as possible. Then he started talking about his girlfriend that’s married that’s how we got on the subject of Mikey. He gave me a lot of advice, yet he didn’t tell me not to see him. He said that had to be my decision and mine alone. He, too, told me he’s probably after one thing and to be careful. I told him that I felt guilty and he said “then you really don’t need to get a relationship going, but that’s up to you.” I told him “as for now it’s going to be just friends, but I’m afraid he’ll force me.” He said “when he starts getting pushy you make sure you tell him to back off and that you don’t want it. If he doesn’t stop leave. He’ll get the point that if he wants you as a friend then he better back off.” My Uncle really helped.

10/23/2003 — WOW, I sometimes wonder how repress memories work, and if they are true or not. But after reading this I can understand how you can forget things that happened when you’re little, because if I had not written this down and typing it, I wouldn’t have remembered ever riding to the hospital with my uncle alone. Kind of scary what one can forget. I don’t even remember this entire conversation. Another thing no where in this entry does it mention that I was nervous, and that’s something I normally write about. And believe me with the conversation that took place here, I would think if he ever did something to me, then I would have been nervous, but I wasn’t. This was before I talked to one of my cousin, who accused him of molesting her, when she was little. I need to find out how little. Another words, I was never nervous around this uncle until after I talked to that cousin. When she told me this, it made me kind of wonder if anything ever happened to me, hell until I typed this I was still wondering, but I can honestly say I just don’t see how I would have been able to have this conversation with him if something had. I wonder if he still means that I can talk about everything and he would tell me like it is?

06/01/2021 — My uncle passed away in 2013 only 2 days after my dad died. It was a very hard time for me as I loved both my dad and my Uncle. I miss both of them and wish they were still here to talk to. My Uncle later found out what Mikey had done and wanted to go find him. I stopped him not because I cared if Mikey lived or not, but because I didn’t want my uncle to mess up the rest of his life. There are a lot of people in my life that knew what was happening (maybe not everything, but yet enough)! They (Caroline's mom, my Aunt, and now my Uncle) all knew the confusion I was going through. My Uncle knew I was afraid that Mikey would be forceful, yet none of them suggested talking to my parents. None of them went to my parents. I wonder how different things would have been if at 16, the adults I trusted enough to talk to about the situation would have helped me talk to my parents about it. I’m pretty sure something would have been done considering I was only 16 at this time. But then again who knows considering my parents were always the type of people, who thinks that if you don’t talk about it, don’t think about it, and just forget it — everything will just go away. It doesn't - please if you have had a traumatic experience get counseling it will help you in starting your healing process. There are also a lot of self help books one can use to get started, but even they recommend counseling. One of my favorite books that helped me get started in my healing was called The Courage to Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Laura Davis.