November 30, 1993

Tell Me Loves Not Worth It

Tell me loves not worth it

Not in a dozen life times

Because you won’t be the one

That last until death.

Tell me loves not worth it Not in a dozen life times Because you won’t be the one That stays by me forever and a day. Tell me loves not worth it Not in a dozen life times Because you won’t be the one To tell me how you love me the day I die. Tell me loves not worth it Not in a dozen life times Because you will be the one

To tell me we have to break up.

Tell me loves not worth it Not in a dozen life times Because you will be the one To tell me good-bye and get me all upset. Tell me loves not worth it Not in a dozen life times Because you just don’t realize and Understand how much love really hurts. Tell me loves not worth it Not in a dozen life times Then my heart can move on to the one that will stay until I die.

Dedicated: Mikey I think I figured out why Coach is not letting me do as much as we used to. I think what I wrote in my letter to him made him think it was him. It was Mikey, not him. This is what I wrote. Dear Coach, I get confused more often not always knowing what to do or if I’m doing the right thing, but thanks to you I get through a lot of problems. You’re always there for me. Thanks for your friendship. You have really helped me out. I’m really confused right now about some things that has just come up (this strongly) this weekend. So don’t be surprised if I start going to Fran some more or I’m spaced out, if I’m spaced out just slap me on the shoulder. Because I don’t really want to think about him (Hint), and when you come back if I don’t have it all worked out, if you don’t mind, then I might talk to you about it (Him) and ask questions that even you may not be able to answer. Besides (like most of my friends have told me) leave him alone. I know this but we are also friends and he’s the one that’s leading it on more than I am, and I just don’t know what to do. It’s so confusing, but most guys are, no offense. P.S When you told me that you were worried about me Saturday, I wanted to tell you that I, too, worry about you. Especially, when you didn’t come to school Thursday and Friday. I asked Ms. Willow about you and she told me what was wrong. I guess with all that I, too, would think it was me. But I can’t tell him it’s Mikey and the details because he doesn’t want me to talk to him about personal stuff it’s not teacher - student relationship. I saw Coach Saturday and I also told him last Wednesday that I was supposed to get a phone call, but I didn’t think he would call. Help I don’t want to lose his friendship because of Mikey and my stupidity. I also told him it was Mikey. I wonder if he believes me that I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. I even stole my letter back, if you can steel something you wrote in the first place. (12/29/93 - Coach and I still don’t talk as much as we used to, and I don’t grade his papers anymore.) 10/23/2003 — It’s kind of funny in the fact that Coach had been there for me for many years before all this, and when I needed him the most he shut me out. He wanted a more Teacher Student relationship as stated before. My husband has met Coach a couple of times. Once he even told me to call him by his first name, since we’re more like colleague than teacher-students now, but I said “no I think you’ll always be Coach.” I even told him about how I wouldn’t teach there because of all the pain I left behind. He understood. Another thing that’s funny is the rest of my junior year and my entire senior year (he had left the district) I thought he was mad at me. At times he would avoid me or at least that’s what it seemed. Anyways, when I introduced my family it was if those years never took place. I wonder if he ever heard how close I was to dropping out of high school my senior year and with one less teacher who cared around it was damn close. Where were you when I needed you the most? 06/01/2021 — even more time has past since writing a reflection on what all happened between Coach and I. I honestly think he was doing exactly what he should have done. If he thought I was falling for him or getting to close as friends instead of a student, then he made sure the relationship stayed at a teacher-student relationship. I can only wish Mikey would have done the same thing when things were getting inappropriate between us. The best thing with Coach is nothing between us was ever inappropriate between us other than I was thinking of him as more of a friend than a teacher, and he made sure it never went beyond a teacher-student relationship. He was doing the correct thing in this situation and wish I could tell him “thank you, for being the gentleman he always was.” The only thing I wish he did differently was encouraging me to go to the counselors when I had told him I needed to talk to him about this stuff. Now that I’ve been a teacher, I totally understand that he and I shouldn’t have a friendship when I was a teenager, but I wish he would have directed me on where I should have gone to discuss a very important situation that was going on in my life at the time. Instead, at the time, it just felt like one more adult pushing me away and not having anyone to turn to. Coach — you are a rock star! You will always be one of the teachers I modeled when I was teaching and now that I work one-on-one with clients, who have behavior health issues, I continue to ask myself what would Coach do. You have made a lot of students reach the stars. I’m so glad we were able to talk some as colleagues to help put everything in perspective.